I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
