then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
