But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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