Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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