Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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