At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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