hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
