While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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