He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
