Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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