You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
