She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
