Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
