Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So much rum. So many feels.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
