Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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