i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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