Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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