I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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