Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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