So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
