There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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