Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
