dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
