Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
