i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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