i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
