I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
