Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
