Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
