I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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