im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You made out with two different species that night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
