I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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