operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
