That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
