So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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