so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't deserve a penis
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
