Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
