i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Bring me that man meat
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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