I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
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