I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
