Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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