Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
