Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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