Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
