i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry my hands just texted you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
