you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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