He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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