There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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