i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
