Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
