Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
