I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
